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– The stay at homes

February 13, 2012

Living where we do is an experience.  Maybe because we come from London where to look at the sky from inside our house we had to get near a window and crane our necks upwards to get a glimpse.  I’ve been thinking about the sky a lot recently, especially in relation to all the moving we’ve done over the years.  Maybe it was to do with getting ourselves a bit more of that sky, a few inches more with every move.

Now we virtually live up in it.

Like the sea, sky is one of nature’s biggest elements, and in our restless search for more of it maybe we were trying also to find a place where we belonged.  Somewhere we could exhale and just be ourselves, the people we were meant to be.

That sounds like a reasonable theory but I’ve always wondered about the spiritual side, you know the one about learning to just be, finding the answer with great sunsets and deserted beaches.  The thing is I’ve never been able to join other people’s clubs.  However, at the moment, I do feel as though I am heading towards my own answer.

It’s as if I’m slipping under a spell, becoming mesmerized just by living here, and weirdly, for the first time, resenting having to go out, away from it.  Shopping, something that only happens twice a week, now feels as odious as an entire morning spent in a busy shopping centre.  But what’s a couple of hours?  I can’t really say why I feel like this, but here in our hut on the hillside, able to get on with making things, work away on the garden, seems to connect us to something a lot bigger.

Being surrounded by so much nature is hypnotic.  It’s a place where you can feel utter stillness and silence.  Where every minute, day or night, the changes in light affect how we see things, the wind constantly changes direction and mood, where sometimes even with no apparent breeze the pines are bending at their tops.  Where rain is a mystical experience, and clouds float by below us.  It all sounds so delightful, who wouldn’t want to spend their days here?  But my need is more, a fierce strong thing with an amazing pull from somewhere I can’t even imagine, and it’s as if I really must be here.  Like some magnetic force inside me has brought me to this place, and finally we have locked together as we were meant to.  An odd feeling yes, but for all that, a good one.

When we set out on our journey to find this place I worried about what would happen when we let go of so many of our ties, all those things which gave us a sense of who we were.  Would we still be the same without all those points of reference?  Well, we all carry our past with us, so in part we are still the same.  But as we are now finally settling into our real home it’s becoming clear that we’re going to be much more too.  Bizarrely, living here surrounded by so many trees, rocks, and infinite sky, it has provided us with the connection, to something which is making us feel more and more creative.  As well as more fulfilled.  By tuning into this place, making our garden, solving all the problems that come up, and learning a mass of new things every day, we are being filled with new potential.  Maybe then the staying home thing is as much about the compulsion to create as with communing with nature, but whatever it is it definitely feels like a good thing.

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One Comment
  1. carol sigvaldason permalink

    hi you two,i like all your little bits of history around you at many people today follow the “get rid of everything”(including their personality)fashion.i was just given a pair of my great grannies first tiny and little grand daughter,now at the same age as those shoes were worn,would maybe fit her big toe inside.
    miss you both-hope to see you one day in the not too distant future.xoxox carol.

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